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| it's been a while.
in fact, it's always been a while.
i completely suck at updating this, but oh well ..
so i'm done with my third semester of college,
and let me tell you -- it's been crazy.
especially during these last couple of months.
first off, i feel really uneasy as of now.
why? because i have no idea where i'm
even going to be spring semester.
fresno state is not going to let me know
about the nursing program until the first week
of january, meaning that if i do get in, i only
have one week to move. if i don't get in,
then i'm at PC for another semester filling
out even more applications waiting to get in.
second, i haven't really been that happy --
relationship wise. i've been with him for 3 years now,
and honestly, i feel like we're an old married couple.
same thing everyday, week after week .. it's been like
this for a long time, but it didn't start bothering me until
a couple of months ago. and when i tell him about it,
does anything change? nope. mind you that the stuck in a
rut feeling is not our only problem. so yeah, as of last
week we've been a break. and what upsets me most is
that it had to take this time away from each other to make
him finally start working on our relationship..
damn, i don't even know.
i haven't been able to think straight for these couple of weeks.
i feel like i know what i want one minute,
but something always changes my mind the next.
i'm freakn confused.
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| the future?
For some reason, yesterday's date made me realize some things.
- 2 years and 9 months have already passed since Memo and I have been together
- In three months, I'll find out if I have been accepted into the nursing program
- And most importantly, in three months I'll be 20 years old
... Basically, it made me realize even more how much I've grown up.
It still hasn't hit me that I'm in my second year of college, and already almost done.
It hasn't hit me that I'm going to be moving out soon (hopefully).
I mean, in five years .. where am I going to be?
Married? Working? Kids?
Man, oh man ...
Life is going by way too fast.
And yes,
I wish I could finish my thoughts and elaborate more on how I'm feeling,
but stupid library lady is walking around to make sure we're not "abusing" our work on the computers.
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| it's been a while since i've written in here.
the last time i was very bitter about some things going on within my family,
but an entire summer has already passed and so has, to be it bluntly, my bitchiness. in the beginning of the summer i grew close with some friends,
reunited with others, and finally realized the space there is between the rest.
i mean, i knew that college would change people .. but i guess i never actually realized it.
i'm a sucker for living in the past and wanting things to stay the same forever -
but we're all growing up, and things never stay the same.
i'm just thankful i can still talk to some people like it's the "good old days."
but yeah, that's lession #1 from the summer.
lesson #2 comes from my family.
after reading my last entry a couple days ago, i realized what a selfish brat i can be.
yeah, it really hurt that i was the only one who didn't go -
but how many times, how many opportunities do i get to actually go out into the world?
it's been every summer since i could remember ..
i wasted so many tears on that day bitching and complaining that i don't get to do anything,
when in fact, i'm blessed to be able to do that and more.
just because i'm the only girl in the family and i've been spoiled in the past
does not mean that i should expect everyone to schedule their time around me.
-- you know 'cuz "big girls don't cry," right? but yeah, i have so much more on my mind to write about -
i really have to start writing in this more.
edit coming soon!
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| so, disappointment has reached a whole new level.
now --
it's pretty fucked up shit.
i never thought i could be this hurt or this pissed.
all i gotta say is thanks --
thanks for letting me be the only who gets to stay behind
i really appreciate staying home this entire weekend
while the rest of you spend time doing the one thing i miss
the most since Tatang died ... it's great, really.
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| disappointment
is what i expect from my parents.
disappointment
isn't what i expect from the rest of my family.
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